What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 
 
What's That Thing?  (Mike Borok)

For those of you (e.g. Barbara) who want me to write a love song... well, I tried, and look what happened!  Ambivalence and backpeddling.  But on the other hand - ain't it the truth?  And the best thing is, you can dance to it.

 

What's that thing seems so strange yet so familiar?

What's that thing makes me so dissatisfied? 

Just a little bit of pain that leaves me bruised and addicted 

Just a little bit of heartache makes me feel so alive 

Just a buzzing in the brain that leaves me lost and conflicted

Twisted up inside 

 

It's mostly love, it's mostly love

It's kind of an affliction

That no one knows a definition of 

That fits like a glove

It's partly give and take but it's mostly love 

 

What's that thing gets me addled and bewildered? 

What's that thing keeps me scattered and confused? 

It's a chemical reaction so unsafe, so unstable 

An irresistible attraction and I come all unglued 

Try to balance on a wire but I tumble and fall

from this dizzy altitude 

 

It's mostly love, it's mostly love 

It's kind of a commotion

That I could see me getting tired of

If push comes to shove

It's partly a mistake but it's mostly love 

  

Could it really be a thrill beyond description?

Or is it only like a disappointing kiss?

Anybody with a heart would feel as partly pleased as this

  

What's that thing so annoyingly elusive?

What's that thing that just can’t be specified?

It's a sentimental fling that finds me flustered and clueless

I don’t really want to trust it though it seems bona fide

Is it ever gonna feel like I am tall enough for this roller coaster ride? 

 

It's mostly love, it's mostly love 

It's more or less uncertain

It's somehow sort of reminiscent of 

None of the above 

It's sometimes slightly fake but it's mostly love

It’s partly give and take but it’s mostly love

It’s partly a mistake but it’s mostly love

  

Rick Garcia - electric guitar

Cliff Hackford - drums

Barbara - lead and backing vocals

Mike - backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, guitar solo, bass, keyboards

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

  

 

 



 
It's All About You  (Mike Borok)

An anthem for the culture of celebrity worship.  Hope this is a hit, and we become famous.  I've already started working on a design for my tattoo.

 

I heard on the news that the world’s going all to hell

I try to care but I can’t concentrate very well

‘Cause I can’t take my mind off you

Nothing matters but the things you do

‘Cause it’s all about you, it’s all about you

The way you dress, walk, look and talk

None of those clichés will do

Because it’s all about you, it’s all about you

And nothing else really matters

‘Cause it’s all about you

 

You know I feel close to you ‘cause we two are breathin’ the same air

And the celebs on the covers of the magazines can’t compare

No, no, I don’t care about the things they said

I’d rather interview you instead

‘Cause it’s all about you, it’s all about you

I see the kids stare with desire

They admire your tattoo

They know it’s all about you, it’s all about you

And no one else really matters

‘Cause it’s all about you

 

Can’t fight it day or night, you’re everywhere

I try to clear my mind but I find that you’re still there

 

You’re really rockin’ those frames when you talk about the books you read

I try to follow but I guess it goes right over my head

Well, I don’t know but I hope you’d see

My respect intellectually

‘Cause it’s all about you, it’s all about you

So just relax, ‘cause I ‘m takin’ in some facts that I never knew

And they’re all about you, it’s all about you

And baby that’s all that matters

Yeah, nothing else really matters

And no one else really matters

‘Cause it’s all about you

It's all about you

It's all about you

It's all about you

 

Studio Pros - drums

Barbara - lead and backing vocals

Mike - backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, guitar solo, bass, keyboards

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 

 

 

 


 
Loch Ness Café  (Mike Borok & Joe Giacoio)

Joe first imagined Elvis at the Loch Ness Café, and I invited all of the other characters.  Turns out that there actually is a Loch Ness Café in Inverness, Scotland, and they contacted us for permission to hang these lyrics on the wall.  We're proud to say that this song was a finalist (two categories) in the UK Songwriting Contest, and was played on BBC Scotland radio.

 

I was having lunch with Elvis 

At the Loch Ness Café

We were talking ‘bout the dreams we nailed

And the ones that got away

I said, "I wish I was a star like you

God, I love that rock n roll"

He said, "Finish up your soda, son

And your fries are gettin' cold"

The waitresses are beautiful

But they won't give me the time of day

Why do I keep on coming back

To the Loch Ness Café?

 

Odysseus drank his coffee, black

Then he set out on some trip

And when he thought no one was looking

Lincoln pocketed the tip

I pretended that I didn't see

I just minded my own business

'Cause I knew that the Invisible Man 

Was the only other witness

Everybody stares at me

But when I catch ‘em, they look away

Why do I keep on coming back

To the Loch Ness Café?

 

At a table in the corner

Where the lights were turned down low

I saw the Kennedys holding hands

With Marilyn Monroe

And J. Edgar Hoover, in disguise

Was pretending to mop the floor

Near where Castro sat with Sigmund Freud

Comparing their cigars

The busboy says I'm crazy

And he hits me with his tray

Why do I keep on coming back

To the Loch Ness Café?

 

Einstein ordered after me

But they brought his dinner first

The waiter took a shortcut

Through an alternate universe

In the men's room, Adolph Hitler

Was complaining to the Pope

That Pontius Pilate got there first

And used up all the soap

 

Einstein had a hard time

Trying to calculate the tip

He was counting on his fingers

I could see him move his lips

And Hamlet had an omelet

While Ophelia ate a Danish

She said, "You're driving me insane-ish

You're a cold fish with a death wish"

 

I stopped in after midnight

For a little bite to eat

When I saw the Loch Ness dinosaur

Sitting in my favorite seat

She had a leather jacket on

And a Jimi Hendrix shirt

She was watching the display go 'round

With those oversized desserts

I said, "I thought that you were dead"

She said, "No, I've just been away

But I can't resist the cheesecake

At the Loch Ness Café"

 

Cary Brown - piano, organ

Rick Garcia - lead guitar, guitar solo

Cliff Hackford - drums

Emile Menasché - electric guitar

Mike - lead vocal, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, harmonica

Barbara - backing vocal

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 

Five Foot Four Girl 

(In a Ten Foot U-Haul Truck)  (Mike Borok)

A friend of ours emailed to let us know that she was moving/downsizing; she signed it "five foot four girl in a ten foot U-Haul truck".  I wrote (with tongue firmly in cheek),  "That sounds like a song title... but what rhymes with 'truck'?"  She replied, "Luck".

  

She leaves the keys on the kitchen counter

Takes a deep breath and looks around her

Shadows fall, ghosts surround her

Climbs up into the rental

No time to get sentimental

 

Filled out the labels the movers gave her

Checked her list, said goodbye to the neighbors

Wrapped the dishes in yesterday's paper

With her wishes and hopes

Left the curtains for the next folks

 

Times are hard and now she's on her own

A little down on her luck

She is a five foot four girl in a ten foot U-Haul truck

 

She starts the truck and she feels so strange

She tells herself it was just a stage

For better or worse, now, everything's changing

So she might as well face it

Step up and embrace it

 

Times are hard and now she's on her own

A little down on her luck

She is a five foot four girl in a ten foot U-Haul truck

She's just a five foot four girl in a ten foot U-Haul truck

 

She can reach the pedals

She's got the feel of the wheel

She tells herself this is no big deal

All of that metal

And she's in control

She cranks the window down

Now she's ready to roll

 

Flips on the wipers when the big tears come

Steps on the gas and leaves behind the home 

Where she raised her kids from diapers to diplomas

It disappears in the rear view mirror 

 

Times are hard and now she's on her own

Hoping to improve her luck

She is a five foot four girl (in a ten foot U-Haul)

Times are hard and now she's on her own

Trying to improve her luck

She's just a five foot four girl in a ten foot U-Haul truck

She is a five foot four girl in a ten foot U-Haul truck

 

Jonathan Melé - drums

Barbara - lead and backing vocals

Mike - backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, mandolin, bass, guitar solo, keyboard

   (U-Haul ® registered trademark U-Haul International, Inc.)

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 
Beautiful  (Mike & Barbara Borok)

No one has contacted us yet to use this in a commercial for hair color products, but we haven't given up hope. This is for all you caterpillars our there - someday butterflies!  Or, at least, moths.

 

was mousy - I was shy

I was invisible to guys

No one asked me to dance

No one gave me a second glance

I was just a lost and lonely soul

How could life be so unfair?

 

I was awkward - I was plain

I faced a lifetime of pain

Had no good points - not one

Life was over - so young

The mirror kept me company

But it was not my friend

 

But the day I dyed my hair

That's when everything changed

The day I dyed my hair

I was beautiful

 

I was born again overnight

I was popular - all right!

I was confident - no fears

And respected by my peers

They used to be so mean to me

But that’s all history

 

‘Cause the day I dyed my hair

That's when everything changed

The day I dyed my hair

I was beautiful

 

It's like a fairy-tale come true

Now I have hair that I can live up to

 

Like a flower, I bloomed

I came out of my cocoon

Now I don’t have to hide

What was always inside

‘Cause all my new friends 

Used to be insecure and awkward just like me

 

But the day we dyed our hair

That's when everything changed

The day we dyed our hair

We were beautiful

We were beautiful

We were beautiful

 

Cliff Hackford - drums

Barbara - lead and backing vocals

Mike - backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, guitar solo, bass, mandolin, keyboards, tambourine

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 

1999.9  (Mike Borok)

Maybe you're old enough to remember Y2K, when some people thought the world would come to an end.  Here's a pre-apocalyptic love story of sorts, with a blackly comic twist.

 

Meet me tonight at the edge of town

We'll watch the millennium sun go down

The sun may never rise again

The coming night may never end

And I don't want to be alone

There's comfort in the rubbing of flesh and bone

No one cares what we might do

Or if you love me, or if I love you

 

Now the lights are out, and the wild dogs run

Through the desolate streets of heaven above

In the dead of night, in the dark of the heart

Desperate souls making desperate love

 

I'd like to find out how you feel

Behind the crumbled brick and stained steel

Beneath the civilized veneer

Beyond the reach of hope and fear

If God has turned his face from us

And we will soon return to dust

Then, mouth to mouth and skin to skin

We'll say goodbye to what might have been

 

Now the lights are out, and the wild dogs run

Through the desolate streets of heaven above

In the dead of night, in the dark of the heart

Desperate souls making desperate love

Desperate souls making desperate love

 

So spread your coat here on the dirt

Undo the buttons of your shirt

You feel so hard, you feel so nice

My hands feel as cold as ice

We'll close our eyes and bruise our lips

As we kiss the apocalypse

That kiss will mark the end of time

Nineteen ninety nine point nine

Nineteen ninety nine point nine

 

Now the lights are out, and the wild dogs run

Through the desolate streets of heaven above

In the dead of night, in the dark of the heart

Desperate souls making desperate love

Desperate souls making desperate love

Desperate souls making desperate love

 

The unexpected dawn arrives

And only strangers have survived

Now there's nothing left to say

Good morning - Happy New Year's Day

 

Steve Meltzer - udu drum

Barbara - lead vocal

Mike - backing vocal, acoustic guitar, bass, harmonica

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 
Doctor Bones  (Mike Borok)

This song goes nicely with the one that follows it because, as you can probably tell, it's not actually about a doctor.

 

If you're feeling sick and weary

If you feel the weight of years

If you think there must be something wrong

But you don't know what it is

There's a doctor - here's his number

Hey, my friend, you ought to phone

Everybody calls him Doctor Bones

 

Doctor Bones is at your service

Doctor Bones waits for your call

His license and diplomas 

Framed like art up on the wall

He'll be standing right beside you

As you face the great unknown

They call him Doctor

Call him Doctor

They call him Doctor Bones

 

He can slice you with his scalpel

Or he can heal you just with love

As he lays his hands upon you

In those powdered latex gloves

You can tell he feels the power

When he makes you squirm and moan

You're in the tender care of Doctor Bones

 

Doctor Bones is there to help you

Doctor Bones is in your plan

He knows all of the diseases

And deformities of Man

He will cure you or he'll kill you

The outcome is unknown

They call him Doctor

Call him Doctor

They call him Doctor Bones

 

He can stitch you up real pretty

Or he can rip you limb from limb

That's why everybody has respect for him

 

He's the savior of the hopeless

No, there is no doubt about it

He's equipped for anesthesia

Though he often works without it

So take a seat - it's gonna cost you everything you own

Leave the paperwork to Doctor Bones

 

Doctor Bones can find the answer

Doctor Bones can make you whole

He can see the cancer that grows inside your soul

And he can hear you cry that you don't want to die alone

They call him Doctor, call him Doctor 

They call him -

Doctor Bones is understanding

His compassion never fails

You can feel the cold breeze

As you stand upon his scales

When you're fevered and delirious

He comes to take you home

And they call him Doctor

They call him Doctor

They call him Doctor Bones

 

Cary Brown - organ

Rick Garcia - lead guitar

Steve Meltzer - drums

Barbara - lead vocal

Mike - backing vocals, 6- and 12-string acoustic guitars, electric guitars, bass, mandolin

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 
Tenth Commandment  (Mike Borok)

I insist that I'm not actually the sad and rather unpleasant person in this song! - I'm just playing a character (as usual).  Honest.  In this case, we were asked to perform in a music conference showcase with the theme "The Ten Commandments", and this is the song I wrote for that event.  (If you've forgotten which one is the tenth, read on, O sinner.)

 

I wish I had my neighbor's house

I wish I had his car

He shines it up and he shows it off 

By his manicured front yard

I wish I had his salary 

I wish I had his life

And I wish I had his lovely wife

 

She stands by the window half undressed

Does she think that I don't see?

I swear she leaves the lights on

'Cause she knows what it does to me

And I wish I had the nerve to go

and knock on her back door

And take her on the marble kitchen floor

 

Do you want it?  

Do you crave it

When you know you can't have it?

Do you need it?  

Do you love it?

Thou shalt not covet

 

If the angle's right you can see through the fence

Around their swimming pool

And she suns herself there, topless

While the children are at school

And I wish that God did not exist

I wish He couldn't see

The sinful thoughts inside of me

 

I wish I had my neighbor's looks

I wish I had his poise

His insolent self-confidence

And his trendy, upscale toys

And I pray that some misfortune will take it all away

So I won't have to look at him

So I won't have to feel this way

I'm burning up with envy

I may burn in the afterlife

But I wish I had my neighbor's wife

 

Do you want it?  

Do you crave it

When you know you can't have it?

Do you need it?  

Do you love it?

Thou shalt not covet

 

Mike - lead and backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, hi hat & cymbals, keyboard, talking drum

Barbara - backing vocal

Rachel - "Shut up!"

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 

You Go First  (Mike Borok)

Barbara and I have been married since 1981 - so many years!  People sometimes ask how do we do it, what's our secret?

 

It's not the little things that drive me crazy

That's part of the problem, but not the whole thing

It's not your clothes on the floor, your hair on my toothbrush

Although it's true, that's so revolting

But it's deeper than that, deeper than disgust

It feels like love turned upside down

It's a failure of faith, it's a lack of trust

But it's not too late to turn this thing around

 

We can work it out; we can get through it

Things can only get better 

'Cause they couldn't be worse

It'll be hard, but I know we can do it

Let's change - you go first

 

Seems like every night we fight these wars

Why do you always take my words and twist ‘em?

Some couples are as distant as Venus and Mars

But we're not in the same solar system

Yes, we must have come from two different worlds

With different atmospheres, different gravities

Different languages and different laws

Different customs, different chemistries

 

But we can work it out; we can get through it

Things can only get better 

'Cause they couldn't be worse

It'll be tough, but I know we can do it

Let's change - you go first

Let's change - you go first

 

I suppose we both have our reasons

No one wins; we both lose our shirts

It's like a card game - you play the Jack of Demons

And I trump you with the Queen of Hurts

 

It's not what you say, it's your tone of voice

It's your insinuations that infuriate me

You insist it's my imagination

And I blame you for blaming me

It's a matter of temper, just a matter of time

Until someone does somebody bodily harm

Doesn't matter who's right

It only matters who's madder

Take the hammer, break the glass, pull the fire alarm

 

We can work it out; we can get through it

Things can only get better 

'Cause they couldn't be worse

It'll be painful, but I know we can do it

Let's change - you go first

Let's change - you go first

Let's change - you go first

Let's change

 

Steve Meltzer - drums

Barbara - lead vocal

Mike - backing vocal, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, keyboard

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


 

Guilty (With An Explanation)  (Mike Borok)

The late excellent singer/songwriter Rob Morsberger, who mixed this track and the next one, gave me this (I think) compliment: "You're very good at playing the cad".  High praise indeed!

 

I know I forgot your birthday

I know, I forget them all

And when I miss dinner ‘cause I'm working late

I know I ought to remember to call

But really, is it so important?

These things are easy to forget

And there's so much that I have to do

You forget things too, I bet

 

Guilty - I'm guilty, I feel bad about the situation

Guilty - I'm guilty, guilty with an explanation

 

I should try to control my temper

I should try to control my tongue

And though I feel ashamed, I can't be blamed

It could happen to anyone

It's just a fact of evolution

We're all descended from the beasts

And when you make me mad, I can't help myself

The beast must be released

 

Guilty - I'm guilty, it was hormonal over-stimulation

Guilty - I'm guilty, guilty with an explanation

 

Yes, I feel guilt, I feel remorse

And I feel bad for you, of course

I don't want a fight or an expensive divorce

I'm just a victim of a biological force

 

I know I should have been faithful

But I cheated, and I got caught

You've got the right to be mad, I guess

But it was really not my fault

It was a momentary lapse of judgment

An irresistible fascination

You see, God created beauty

And the Devil turned it into temptation

 

Guilty - I'm guilty

I had the means and the motivation

Guilty - I'm guilty, guilty with an explanation

Guilty - I'm guilty, there was a positive identification

Guilty - I plead guilty, guilty with an explanation

 

Cliff Hackford - drums

Mike - lead and backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, guitar solo, bass

Barbara - backing vocals

 

 
 
What's That Thing?
It's All About You
Loch Ness Cafe
Five Foot Four Girl
Beautiful
1999.9
Doctor Bones
Tenth Commandment
You Go First
Guilty (With An Explanation)
Monty's Room
 
Home Page
 

 


  

Monty's Room  (Mike Borok)

There are several different explanations for this song, all true.  (1) There was a young girl in a music conference song circle with us where new arrivals kept playing out of turn before her, and she was in tears thinking that she wouldn't get to play before the song circle ended.  (2) Our friend Dan Pelletier wrote a song about a song circle known as Monty's Room, where everybody was singin' and playin' and having a great time.  I like to complain to Dan that some of his songs are too happy and sappy, and just to annoy him I wrote a song from the point of view of the girl in #1 above.  (3) We played this song at a coffeehouse and the MC, Nick Mottern, came up to us afterwards and said, "That song Monty's Room is about waiting to get into Heaven, right?"  We said "yes" because, although we hadn't realized it before, he was absolutely correct.

 

I was alone in a hotel of strangers

I was alone with nothing much to do

Wandering, sleepless and wired

When I heard the music coming out of 3802, and

 

Everybody's hanging out in Monty's room

Everybody's playing their guitar

Everybody's talking 'bout Monty's room

Where everybody gets to be a star

 

I squeezed into an empty corner

And waited as they went around the room

I sometimes forgot I was waiting

For Monty to notice me and ask for a tune, and

 

Everybody wants to go to Monty's room

Check your ego at the door

Cause everyone is equal up in Monty's room

And Monty's always there to make sure

 

It's getting kind of late here in Monty's room

But nobody seems to mind it

And out in the cold hotel corridors

People are still trying to find it

 

I'm tuning my guitar here in the corner

Soon, I know,  it's going to be my turn

But some old friends just walked in the door

And Monty smiles and says, "Come in, Sit down"

 

They're passing 'round a bottle up in Monty's room

Everybody's singing harmony

There's always room for one more up in Monty's room

I hope they'll find a little room for me

I hope they'll find a little room for me

I hope they'll find a little room for me

 

Cliff Hackford - drums, tambourine

Barbara - lead and backing vocals

Mike - backing vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, guitar solo, bass